The sights, sounds, and smells of Egypt
Howdy partners. How was your Derby Day? Mine was good - thanks for asking. My boy JC sent me some real Derby glasses, the mint juleps went down a treat, 2 KGs of pulled pork was on offer, and everyone had a fine time.
This might be a long post, but it is one of the stories that has to be shared in entirety - not skipping details for the sake of brevity - ya smell.
Last week the Redneck found himself in Egypt for some work. I had three days there, but the problem was I was working all the damn time. No chance to go see shiz. Luckily, the crafty Egyptians realized this problemo long ago and created a uber-tourist event at night at the pyramids called: The Sound and Light Show. Where lasers and sounds occur and you learn about the pyramids through the narration of Omar Shariff - for realz.
It was my last night in Cairo so I booked myself the 9:30pm Sound and Light Show - my ride was to pick me up at 8:30 because them pyramids are about 25 miles outside of Cairo - I had no idea. Whatever. Sounds good.
Abdul promptly picked me up at 8:30 and set off. We made polite chit chat and zoomed outta Cairo. However, we first had to go through Giza. The traffic we faced over the next 20 miles took us 60 minutes of some of the unnerving driving I have ever experienced. Automobile head light usage at night in Cairo? Optional. Seatbelts? Overrated. The horn? Use it as if it were connected to your lungs and you would quit breathing if not used every 4.3 seconds. Crossing 4 lane highways by foot? No sweat, just walk directly in front of the car - and they will stop. They did everytime, but everytime your heart went in your throat a little bit. It is not that is was super scary to be with Abdul in car - it was just perhaps the most unsettling 60 minutes ever. Abdul was cranking that drum and base which only added to calm environment.
It seemed to take a very long time to get there (hmmm....)and when we did I was suprised that we parked in what was essential a paddock of camels, donkeys, and small horses. The smell was confirmation. As I exited the car, with the Egyptian heat still potent, a small boy riding a donkey zipped pass. No pyramids to be seen. We hustled to the gate of the Sound and Light Show - we were 15 mins late. Then, Abdul looked at me and said, "Oh no, now they closed."
No sweat I thought. Though it clearly was not closed. There was something going on in there behind the gates. It had some sound and definitly had some lights sorta looking like a show of some sort. Hmmm...Oh well. No biggie. I was just disappointed I didn't get a chance to take some pics of them puppies.
Abdul, quickly - perhaps too quickly - offered to take me to his friends house as a consolation. I was in no rush to spend another 80 minutes back in the traffic. So, when in Egypt right...
The friend's 'house' was really his ghetto ass shop. Hmmm....Which was closed but they opened for me. Hmmmm....They offered me coke. That was nice. I like coke. Wait - where the F am I?
The 'Friend' then tells me he has the finest camels in Egypt that I can ride into the desert 'like a Bedouin' and view the pyramids and drink tea. Let me think abo - No. The friend was persistent. 'If you no like camel, I give you horse.' Uh, No. Not to be deterred he says, 'No camel, no horse? I give you donkey.'
Clearly not getting the jest that I am not gonna get on any animal and 'ride' into the desert at 10 pm at night - he asks if I like perfume. Abdul has now disappeared. Yes, I say. Bad decision.
'Good', he replies. 'Now I show you how we make perfume in Egypt for thousands of years.'
'OK'
He grabs a few viles of different colored liquid. He takes one, puts a few drops on my arm and slowly rubs it in telling me it is made from a thousand virgin Lotus flowers pulled from Nerfititi's womb or some shiz. I grow uncomfortable.
He repeats this process with five other scents. Looking into my eyes he rubs 'Viagra of the Nile' onto my upper arm, I am not longer uncomfortable, I am desperate to leave.
As soon as I agree to buy a small vile for an obscene price, the concise perfume history tour stops and Abdul returns offering me a cigarette. As if to know I needed it. And I did.
With my fragrant arms and lighter wallet, I was ready like hell to leave. The traffic and drum and base sounded good to me again by now. However, the happy ending is that after buying the perfume, I asked if I could go to roof to see the pyramids. Which they let me do, and I got some great snaps. Even if was taken for a camel-free ride.
This might be a long post, but it is one of the stories that has to be shared in entirety - not skipping details for the sake of brevity - ya smell.
Last week the Redneck found himself in Egypt for some work. I had three days there, but the problem was I was working all the damn time. No chance to go see shiz. Luckily, the crafty Egyptians realized this problemo long ago and created a uber-tourist event at night at the pyramids called: The Sound and Light Show. Where lasers and sounds occur and you learn about the pyramids through the narration of Omar Shariff - for realz.
It was my last night in Cairo so I booked myself the 9:30pm Sound and Light Show - my ride was to pick me up at 8:30 because them pyramids are about 25 miles outside of Cairo - I had no idea. Whatever. Sounds good.
Abdul promptly picked me up at 8:30 and set off. We made polite chit chat and zoomed outta Cairo. However, we first had to go through Giza. The traffic we faced over the next 20 miles took us 60 minutes of some of the unnerving driving I have ever experienced. Automobile head light usage at night in Cairo? Optional. Seatbelts? Overrated. The horn? Use it as if it were connected to your lungs and you would quit breathing if not used every 4.3 seconds. Crossing 4 lane highways by foot? No sweat, just walk directly in front of the car - and they will stop. They did everytime, but everytime your heart went in your throat a little bit. It is not that is was super scary to be with Abdul in car - it was just perhaps the most unsettling 60 minutes ever. Abdul was cranking that drum and base which only added to calm environment.
It seemed to take a very long time to get there (hmmm....)and when we did I was suprised that we parked in what was essential a paddock of camels, donkeys, and small horses. The smell was confirmation. As I exited the car, with the Egyptian heat still potent, a small boy riding a donkey zipped pass. No pyramids to be seen. We hustled to the gate of the Sound and Light Show - we were 15 mins late. Then, Abdul looked at me and said, "Oh no, now they closed."
No sweat I thought. Though it clearly was not closed. There was something going on in there behind the gates. It had some sound and definitly had some lights sorta looking like a show of some sort. Hmmm...Oh well. No biggie. I was just disappointed I didn't get a chance to take some pics of them puppies.
Abdul, quickly - perhaps too quickly - offered to take me to his friends house as a consolation. I was in no rush to spend another 80 minutes back in the traffic. So, when in Egypt right...
The friend's 'house' was really his ghetto ass shop. Hmmm....Which was closed but they opened for me. Hmmmm....They offered me coke. That was nice. I like coke. Wait - where the F am I?
The 'Friend' then tells me he has the finest camels in Egypt that I can ride into the desert 'like a Bedouin' and view the pyramids and drink tea. Let me think abo - No. The friend was persistent. 'If you no like camel, I give you horse.' Uh, No. Not to be deterred he says, 'No camel, no horse? I give you donkey.'
Clearly not getting the jest that I am not gonna get on any animal and 'ride' into the desert at 10 pm at night - he asks if I like perfume. Abdul has now disappeared. Yes, I say. Bad decision.
'Good', he replies. 'Now I show you how we make perfume in Egypt for thousands of years.'
'OK'
He grabs a few viles of different colored liquid. He takes one, puts a few drops on my arm and slowly rubs it in telling me it is made from a thousand virgin Lotus flowers pulled from Nerfititi's womb or some shiz. I grow uncomfortable.
He repeats this process with five other scents. Looking into my eyes he rubs 'Viagra of the Nile' onto my upper arm, I am not longer uncomfortable, I am desperate to leave.
As soon as I agree to buy a small vile for an obscene price, the concise perfume history tour stops and Abdul returns offering me a cigarette. As if to know I needed it. And I did.
With my fragrant arms and lighter wallet, I was ready like hell to leave. The traffic and drum and base sounded good to me again by now. However, the happy ending is that after buying the perfume, I asked if I could go to roof to see the pyramids. Which they let me do, and I got some great snaps. Even if was taken for a camel-free ride.
posted by Redneck | 3:38 PM
1 Comments:
It's a good thing you have maintained the same Britland phone number. I don't know what Matthew would do if we could not hail you on Derby day.
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